Making an ‘unequally yoked’ relationship work

Through the years

I’ve never been afraid

I’ve loved the life we’ve made

And I’m so glad I’ve stayed

Right here with you

Through the years

– Kenny Rogers, Through The Years

St Paul in 2 Corinthians 6:14 advises Christians not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers as he questions the association of righteousness with unrighteousness and light with darkness.

Many believers, mostly because of the lack of eligible partners in their church, ignore this directive and, instead, enter into intimate relationships with persons who are not Christians.

Some manage to make their relationship work while for others, their lives becomes a living hell as a result of the union. Also, there are those who are of different denominations, and after the marriage, one is forced to make a choice regarding which church they will attend.

Even with all the right conditions, some marriages still fall apart. Nevertheless, pastors are encouraging Christians to start their union by obeying God’s commands.

Family and Religion consulted with Kashina McLean, certified life strategist and founder of Scars That Speak Out Loud, to opine on the matter of being unequally yoked. She used the Bible as her source of reference to say that both the Old and the New Testament speak clearly concerning the forming of covenant of God’s people with worldly people. This, she said, usually results in God’s people rebelling and doing exactly what they were warned not to do.

Alluding to Paul’s reminder in the New Testament, McLean said that being unequally yoked is a lot more dangerous than many think, and it is for that reason that the Bible makes it clear for believers to take heed.

“It is not because God wishes to make us miserable because His word says He has given everything to us for life and godliness … and only gives good gifts to His children,” she shared, pointing out that this is to protect us from the dangers of unhealthy spiritual unions.

Drawing an analogy with the children of Israel, including Sampson and Solomon, McLean said they were all destroyed because they were led astray by their ungodly partners.

“When we enter into covenant relationships with people who are not submitted to Christ, we are in direct disobedience to God,” she said.

The same situation of being unequally yoked, McLean stressed, can be a problem marrying someone of a different ­denomination because there may be conflict even as to who the children should follow.

According to McLean if the couple decides to be in ministry, then that is a whole other matter. However, she said that all is not lost because if couples from two different denominations do decide to get married, they should consider several things.

First, she said, they should realise that for Christians, marriage is not only about love, but about aligning yourself with a partner in destiny who will be the one with whom your divine purpose on Earth will and should be accomplished. It is a ministry unto God.

Pointing out that being aligned to a denomination should not determine your faith in Christ, McLean said that couples should identify what is biblically fundamental and what is simply church culture. Make certain that both share the same views on core Christian doctrines and profound theological principles, and also consider the style of worship as this, she said, could be a hindrance for you or your partner.

“Making such a decision may or may not affect the marriage. A lot of it depends on what traditions the individuals deem to be important. For example, some teachings prohibit contraception and that having multiple children is the right way while others require that household chores, including cooking, not be done on a certain day,” McLean shared.

It is easier, she said, for those who are willing to compromise. However, there are others who may find the gap too wide to bridge.

Biblically, she said, there is no scripture to suggest that one cannot date someone from another denomination, but they should consider how both of them, together, will accomplish the purpose God has for them as a couple.

“Other ways in which the marriage can be affected include lack of time spent together, infidelity, resentment and confusion in raising children. Despite these potential issues, both parties can make the effort to ensure their marriage flourishes if they are already in it,” she said.

McLean said the key to any successful relationship is communication, and as such, both persons should be allowed to express their feelings and have those ­feelings addressed.

She suggested also that visitations should be made to each other’s church when the opportunity arises so that each person would still feel supported in their choice.

“Man-made rules are the only thing that separate one denomination from another. If you believe in God, believe that God loved you enough to come to earth as Jesus Christ, believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins and for your eternal salvation, then congratulations, you are a Christian.”