DOCTOR'S ADVICE: I slept with 40 men

Q Doctor, should I tell my future husband about my former lovers?

I am in my late 30s, and I plan to get married to the man I love this summer.

I have what you might call a secret past. When I was younger, in my late teens and 20s, I had a lot of boyfriends. I regret what I did in those days, but I suppose it was because I had a free and easy attitude towards sex. As a result, I slept with a lot of men.

The other day, I tried to count how many men I have been with and it was just over 40. I am ashamed about this, but that was how it was in those days. Fortunately, I was on the Pill most of the time, so I never got pregnant.

Now, my fiancé is a great man. He is reasonably open-minded, and I know that he is certainly not a virgin. In fact, he had at least three long-term girlfriends when he was younger. He is now 41.

He has absolutely no idea that I slept with so many men. I am wondering if I should tell him about it.

A This is a tricky one. In the past, a lot of men passionately believed that their brides should be virgins. But in recent generations, most men have taken a more laid-back approach and not worry that their potential spouse is likely to have had lovers in the past.

However, not all men are as comfortable with that fact. I have encountered one or two husbands who simply could not cope with the fact that their wives had slept with a number of men in the past. I was consulted by one man who was in mental torment because he kept imagining his new wife having sex with a previous boyfriend.

You have been very frank with me about how many lovers you have had sex with and, to be honest, 40 is quite a lot even by today's standards.

Your fiancé may not mind that you have been with 40 men. There are a few husbands who get very turned on by the thought that their wives have had a lot of sexual experience.

But the bottom line is this. There is the risk that if you tell him he just might go ballistic. He could even call off the wedding.

I do not think this is a risk worth taking. I feel that you would be wise to let your fiancé know that you have had some sexual experiences in the past. But you should not go into any details. Especially talking about having had 40 men. That could be too much for him to cope with.

Finally, a woman who have had several dozen lovers runs a slight risk of getting cancer of the cervix. The virus which is the main cause of this type of cancer is passed on through sex.

Therefore, if you have not had a Pap smear test recently, I urge you to have one now.

You may also have been exposed to chlamydia at some stage during your sexual past. So I feel you should ask the doctor to also check for chlamydia.

I wish you well, and I hope your marriage will be a very happy and successful one.

Q I am man and I have just developed diabetes. Does this mean I am will definitely to lose my nature?

A Not at all. Erectile dysfunction (ED) is certainly more common in men who are diabetic. But the majority of diabetic males do not lose their potency. And even if that happened to you, there are very good ED treatments available these days, so do not worry.

Q My wife, who I love dearly, has just turned 30 years old and is talking about going on the Pill. Would this be safe for her at her age?

A It should be, especially if she has no risk factors like smoking or a family history of thrombosis.

Although the risks of the Pill do increase slightly with age, most doctors are happy to prescribe it for women who are 30 to 35. It is in the age group above 35 that it sometimes becomes necessary to stop taking the Pill because the dangers are in some cases too great.

Q I am a 27-year-old man and my sex life has not been a great success because my foreskin will not roll back at all.

Do you think I should have a circumcision doctor?

A I am always a little reluctant to recommend circumcision because so many men are disappointed with the results of the operation.

I think your best course would be to see a urologist (i.e a surgeon who specialises in that part of the anatomy).

He will examine you, and then be able to tell you whether it is possible to conserve your foreskin. That can sometimes be done by using a special cream that makes the skin easier to roll back.

Alternatively, he might recommend another operation which is not as invasive as circumcision, and involves very little loss of flesh.

Q I am a 32-year-old businesswoman, and I have fallen in love with an American man. I would like to marry him.

But last week he said something extraordinary to me, and I do not know whether to believe him. He said he did not want to sleep with me just yet because of an unusual health problem.

When I pressed him, he became very embarrassed and told me that he has two organs instead of the usual one.

Is that possible, Doctor?

A Well, this man may be playing some kind of joke on you. Alternatively, he may be very scared to have sex, and has come up with this story to avoid it.

However, I must tell you the medical fact that there are indeed a very small number of men who really do have two penises, usually one above the other.

Sometimes, both these organs 'work' and the man is able to have a sex life. He might even be able to have children.

But before you decide to marry him, you should ask a doctor to examine him and see whether he has any other serious developmental abnormalities.

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