Sex and relationship - Why do people have sex?
Published:Sunday | November 14, 2010 | 12:00 AM
Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributor
Some girlfriends were lyming and, as usual, they talked about their relationships and sexual exploits. One asked, "Why do we have sex if it creates so many problems?" The question stumped almost everyone, and after thinking about it, answers included:
"I just grew up into it as all my friends said that was the thing to do."
"I have sex because it feels good physically when with a good man, and it is even better when the man makes me feel special."
"It is the yardstick used to find a life partner."
"Sex is my motivation for feeling young, because if at 51 my partner is fully satisfied, I know my body 'nuh pop down'."
"Sex, for me, is part of God's rules. I got married as a virgin as my church (then) and my mother's strict upbringing
"Just wanting to create an emotional bond with a nice man."
Outlook randomly asked some men their views as to why they have sex. Some reasons were:
"It's a man thing so you have to do it to feel good."
"I do it for love, as I am monogamous and I love my wife as I love God."
"It provides emotional release when I am stressed."
"Sex with a younger woman tells me that I (at 61) am still good in the sack even as I age."
"It is a good form of exercise."
"I want to please the women I meet, and so far, so good - they are well pleased."
The range of reasons for both men and women may be quite surprising.
Physical Reasons
Stress reduction: It's good exercise.
Curiosity: What would it be like with this person, or to try that position?
Sexual chemistry: He's hot. She's got a great body.
Pleasure: It feels good.
Emotional Reasons
Love: I want to feel connected.
Expression: I want to say thanks or express my gratitude.
Motivational or Goal-Based Reasons
Procreation: I want to have a baby.
Social status: I want to be popular.
Revenge: I want to give someone a sexually transmitted infection.
Insecure Reasons
Self-esteem: I want the attention. I want to feel better about myself.
Pressure: My partner insisted.
Protection: To keep my partner faithful.
Other Reasons
Spiritual: I want to feel closer to God.
Unselfish: I want my partner to feel good about him/herself.
Harm: I want to break up a relationship.
To impress others: I want to brag to my friends.
Psychological manipulation: I want a raise, promotion or to make a sale.
Self-humiliation: I want to debase myself.
According to the researchers, people will have more than one reason for having sex. For example, it could be for exercise, while at the same time wanting it for love to feel connected to someone (Suite101.com). The scope of answers to the question is unending, as people engage in sex for different reasons throughout the life cycle. The elderly who can still engage in sex may continue to do it because they love it. For others, it may be for pleasure after a long bout of illness.
The reasons given for having sex may not necessarily mean that people like to, which is another issue in sexual satisfaction. The girlfriends agree that most people engage in sex because it feels good and the men questioned by Outlook agreed that the feel-good factor was a major motivation.
It is obvious that if the species did not enjoy mating, there would be difficulty propagating. In the same way, humans enjoy sex but may have taken the pleasure too far to their own detriment and society's. By nature, sexual pleasure is the incentive that encourages us to make more of ourselves. According to Scarleteen.com, "That's quite good for the species - so much so that humans may have done too good a job of it. But conditions being what they are in the world, it's not always the optimal time for some folks to make babies. They're hard to raise and expensive. Luckily, technology has given us the means to enjoy sex without always reproducing, while protecting ourselves from sexually
transmitted infections with condoms.
The bottom to the feel-good factor lies with the human brain. Feelings of sexual pleasure are influenced by hormones and neurotransmitters that course through the brain. The neurotransmitter dopamine stimulates the 'reward' centre in your brain, creating the 'feel good' sensation in your body.
Another neurotransmitter is norepinephrine, which creates the sparks during the phases of sexual response.
Serotonin
Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that makes you feel happy. Another brain chemical is oxytocin, with its functions very closely tied to sex and reproduction. It facilitates an erection in men and releases during an orgasm. Oxytocin is noted for numbing pain and creating warm, fuzzy feelings of trust and intimacy. Oxytocin is also responsible for triggering lactation in mothers.
Whatever your reasons for having sex, try to use it to your advantage to feel good and solidify your relationship. However, exercise caution to prevent unexpected outcomes such as sexually transmitted infections, unplanned pregnancies and emotional hurt.
Send feedback/questions to heatherl@cwjamaica.com.