DOCTOR'S ADVICE - A man from the past

Q.  Doctor, I need your advice to help me with a difficult situation. I am in my late 30s and married.

I thought I was pretty happy with my husband, even though he is not the most expressive. He often forgets to say 'I love you'. A month ago, I met a man I went to school with more than 20 years ago.

He is handsome, successful and divorced. It was just a great pleasure to see him again, after all this time. He asked me out for a drink, and I accepted.  The following afternoon, he invited me to his hotel room, and we ended up sleeping together.

It was a shattering experience. He seemed to know how to 'push all the right buttons.' I had four consecutive orgasms which is very unusual for me. He told me that I was 'wonderful in bed.'

Before I left, he promised me that he would meet me when he next visits my area, which would be very soon.  Since then, sex with my husband has been OK, but not exciting. It doesn't compare with the 'fireworks' I felt when I was with this other man.

What do you think I should do, doctor? I am aware of my responsibilities to my husband and my children. But I keep thinking about how wonderful it was to be with my lover. My entire being seems to be aflame with desire for him.

When I lie awake at night, I can't help feeling that it would be wonderful to spend the rest of my life with him, and to have the kind of sexual fulfilment that he gives me.

But my husband is a good man and I love him and do not want to hurt him. So your guidance would be appreciated. Incidentally, I have not seen my period since the encounter with my 'boyfriend'.

A. It is alarming that you have not seen your period since. You have to check it out immediately.

It could be that it is late because you are in such an emotional state. Alternatively, it could mean that you are experiencing early menopause.

But there has to be a high chance that you are pregnant, either by your lover or your husband. Therefore, you must do a pregnancy test right away. I suggest that you ask your doctor to organise this for you.

As it relates to this gentleman, at no point did you describe him as your 'old flame'. So I suppose that when you were both teenagers, you were, at one stage, an item.

People have a strong tendency to look back at these attachments with great fondness. They remember the wonderful times, and they often forget the occasions when things didn't go very well! Women are particularly liable to say: 'Ah, if I had only stayed with dear Y or Z, how marvellous it would all have been .'

So I suspect that in your present feelings, there is a big element of nostalgia for those days. In addition, you have obviously been overwhelmed by Mr X's looks, success in his career, his charm - and skill in bed. The fact that you had multiple orgasms with him also has influenced you a lot.

However, do you really want to leave your husband and children, just because a good-looking, charming man gave you multiple orgasms? This doesn't seem to make much sense. A year from now, this man may not seem so wonderful.

My advice is:

• 1. Do not see this man again.
  
• 2. Get a pregnancy test (let us hope it is negative);
  
• 3. Make clear to your husband that if he wants to keep the marriage going, he must 'wake up' - both romantically and sexually.

Q I am seriously considering using Viagra. But what are the side-effects?

A: The common ones are:

1. Headache;
   
2. A 'full' feeling in the face;
   
3. Blocked nose;
   
4. Indigestion;
   
5. Temporary blue or green distortion of the vision;
   
6. A fainting feeling upon getting out of bed.

There is also the very remote possibility of blindness, but I have never seen such a case.

Q I am 34, and thinking of marrying a man who says he loves me. But, recently, I caught him with his hand up my young daughter's skirt. What do you think I should do, doctor?

A: This man obviously has paedophiliac tendencies, and you should have nothing more to do with him. Unfortunately, some of these disgusting men will actually marry a woman so as to get sexual access to her children. Please beware.

Q Doctor, I have two female friends, in different parts of the island. One of them has just told me that she has chlamydia. Do you think that I have given it to the other woman?

A: Well, in these cases, it is often impossible to work out precisely who gave the germ to whom. The odds are that both women now have it. You don't say whether you have any symptoms. But whether you do or you don't, you need urgent treatment with antibiotics from a doctor. And both these women need antibiotic therapy. So do any other sexual partners which they may have.

Q Doctor, something very strange has happened. Last night I was in bed with my long-term girlfriend when I suddenly noticed that there was something 'tickling' inside her vagina. To me, it felt like a string or a very soft wire. When I asked her what it was, she looked embarrassed and said she knew nothing about it. Then she told me I must be mistaken. Was it some kind of contraceptive? If so, I would be surprised, because we always use a condom.

A: I cannot be certain about this, but it is highly likely that what you felt was the 'thread' of an intra-uterine device - that is, an IUD or coil. If she has had a coil fitted, then you must ask yourself why.

The two of you use condoms when you are together. So really, she should have no need for an IUD. But I suppose it is possible that she does not feel that the condoms are safe enough, and wants the additional protection of a coil.

On the other hand, I am afraid that you have to face the prospect that maybe she now has another partner, and that it is because of him that she has had the coil inserted. All you can do is to ask her.

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