DOCTOR'S ADVICE; Comfortable sex positions

Q Doctor, I need your advice about sexual discomfort and sexual positions.

I am in my early 30s and recently got married. When I was younger, I had what you might call a pretty wild sex life. I had a number of boyfriends, and they all told me that I was great in the sack.

But all that is in the past, and I have tried to be good in recent years. In 2009, I met a great man, we fell in love, and now we are married. I am very happy with him.

The only problem is when we have sex in the 'regular way', I feel quite a bit of discomfort. Not actual pain, just discomfort.

It is not bad, and it does not prevent me from having an orgasm. My husband is quite happy, and says that I am everything he could want in bed.

I sometimes wonder if the problem is because he is a big guy. In fact, I think he is bigger than any of my previous boyfriends.

Last week, for the first time we tried another sexual position. That gave me no discomfort at all.

So what do you think, Doctor? Do I have a medical problem? Or could I make everything right by trying different positions?

A If you were having actual pain, I would tell you to see a doctor for an internal check-up. However, at the moment, it's only discomfort. So I think it would be worth trying several tricks in order to see if you can get rid of that.

However, it is common for women in the 30s or older to experience discomfort because of inadequate lubrication. Dryness causes discomfort. You can solve that problem by trying the following tips:

Before intercourse, make sure your natural lubricating juices are really flowing. The best way to do this is to set up a 'romantic atmosphere' in your bedroom, and encourage your man to give you, say, 20 minutes of foreplay before he attempts entry.

Also, you should get a lubricant and apply a generous amount before intercourse. You could get one from a pharmacy, but there are now quite a number of good brands available online.

Do not use Vaseline or other types of petroleum jelly. Although a lot of couples employ it, it is not a great sex lubricant, and it can make holes in condoms.

Trying new positions is a good idea. Often, when people find the 'standard' position uncomfortable, a switch will make everything better. In fact, it sounds as though you may already have found one that is comfortable for you.

I would suggest the following positions:

The spoon: This is a very popular one in which the woman lies on her side, with the man behind her. The idea is that they are 'nestling' together, like two spoons in a drawer. One big advantage of spooning is that his hands will have very good access to her clitoris.

The stagecoach position: In this one, the man lies flat on his back, and the woman sits on him. Facing him, she bounces up and down. It doesn't usually cause women any discomfort and is particularly useful if the female is a little heavy or pregnant.

Kneeling: Here, the woman kneels on the bed, often with her head on a pillow. Her man kneels behind her, and gently enters her from the rear. Again, this gives him good access to her clitoris.

Your husband's size may be causing you some discomfort but this you cannot change. So just accommodate him as well as you can, using the comfort tips I have outlined above.

Q I am a 39-year-old man and I have sex with my partner about three times per week. Some weeks, I masturbate to achieve about five orgasms in seven days.

Can this hurt me?

A No. Five orgasms a week is unusual for a man in his late 30s, but it certainly will not hurt you.

Q I have a regular 28-day menstrual cycle. This will mean that next month I will have a period on the day of a special occasion.

Is there any way I can postpone it?

A A doctor may be able to give you a hormone tablet such as norethisterone, which can be taken each day until after the occasion. That should postpone your period.

Q I am a male in my early 30s, and have been married for around 12 years.

I found out that last December my wife had an affair with a man who had been her high-school boyfriend.

She insists that it happened only once and that she only did it to see what it would have been like if she had ended up with him as a partner. I think that she has lost her way a little. The man is also married.

This knowledge has affected me. My behaviour has changed. I am often late for work, and I frequently miss church. I feel angry, hurt, devastated and depressed.

Do you think I should see a professional counsellor or psychologist? Or will the feeling of anger, pain and depression go away in time?

A No, it doesn't. I am sorry to hear about all the pain you have been experiencing. I think you have behaved in a restrained way over this.

I definitely think you should see a psychotherapist or a counsellor. It would be a good idea if you took your wife with you.

It seems you are clinically depressed. So I suggest that you consult a doctor, because you may well need treatment with antidepressant pills. I wish you well.

Q I read your column every Sunday, and would be grateful if you could advise me about some little bumps on the outside of my vagina.

Could this be a yeast infection?

A No, it doesn't sound like a yeast infection at all. I suspect you may have a mild infection in the follicles from which your pubic hair grows. But you really need to have an examination by a doctor in order to make an accurate diagnosis.

Don't worry. My guess is that it's not serious.

Email questions/feedback to editor@gleanerjm.com. Also read Doctor's Advice in Saturday's Gleaner.