DOCTOR'S ADVICE: Loving sex with a woman

Q I am a married woman living in Mandeville. I have been reading what you have had to say about the dangers of threesomes and foursomes. Well, I would like to tell you about my own experience which concerns me at the moment.

I have a very good female friend, and we are about the same age. We have been friends for many years and she gets along with my husband. She is very attractive, maybe even slightly more than me.

About a year ago, my husband I went to dinner, and probably had a little too much wine to drink. We started discussing the idea of inviting my friend into our bed, and I agreed to ask her if she was interested.

It took me a month to get the courage to do it. Much to my surprise, she said, "Yes."

She was divorced and did not currently have a partner, so there was no need to worry about the feelings of a partner.

When we were all in the right mood, she came to our place. After a few drinks we went into the bedroom.

To be honest, Doctor, it went brilliantly. We were all very happy with seeing each other's bodies, and not at all embarrassed. We caressed each other and then my husband had sex with both of us. Everybody had a good time, and my friend spent the night. We all had breakfast together in the morning.

This happened around once a week for the next few months. At that stage, I would have said that threesomes were great. All three of us were delighted.

Then something different occurred. My husband started encouraging my friend and I to make out while he watched. My friend wanted to but I was not so sure. Until then I had never had any impulses towards women.

But then I found that my girlfriend was extraordinarily skilled at making me climax. Because of her I was soon having six climaxes in a single evening.

After a while, I noticed that my husband was not totally happy about this. Although he was still very pleased about being allowed to make love to two very good-looking women at the same time, he realised that I was having more orgasms with my friend than with him.

Things went on like this for a while. Then I realised that each week, it was my friend's caresses that I was really looking forward to, and not my husband's. In the last two months, she and I have grown closer. There have been times when all I really wanted to do was throw my arms around her and kiss her.

My husband is now showing some signs of jealousy. In fact, when I meet my friend for coffee or lunch, I no longer tell him. These meetings always end with warm kisses.

Now my friend has invited me to accompany her on a shopping trip to Kingston, and to stay the night in a hotel there. I know that I would love to do this, because it would be so much fun. But I also know that we would spend a good part of the night having sex.

What do you think I should do, Doctor? Am I becoming a lesbian? Is my friend a lesbian?

Should I go on this trip without telling my husband that my friend is going too?

A Like so many people who go in for these alternative sexual arrangements, the three of you have found yourselves in a difficult situation.

There are two problems here. First, your husband is becoming jealous of your girlfriend. Male jealousy quite often leads to arguments, divorce or even violence! Quite frankly, if you go on making out with your friend, and clearly enjoying all these orgasms so much, it is quite possible that your husband is going to get very angry.

The second problem is, obviously, you started out on your adult life as a straight woman. I do not know whether that is true of your friend.

But women are very different from men in their attitudes to same-sex relationships. Research shows that quite a lot of women will quite happily accept kissing, cuddling, and even sexual contact with other women. Many of them will enjoy a little girl-on-girl sex, despite regarding themselves as straight.

However, if a woman continues being turned on again and again by having what is termed sapphic sex, there is a tendency for her to decide that her life is going to be a lesbian one.

In fact, there has to be a possibility that you and your girlfriend will eventually decide to go off together, leaving your husband on his own.

My advice to you is not to accompany her on that shopping trip to Kingston. I also think that you should stop lying to your husband, and tell him the truth about your meetings with her.

I feel that it would be wise for you to stop the threesome sessions immediately, and persuade your man to accompany you to a good marriage counsellor.

Q I am away a lot on business, and sometimes when I get home my wife has her monthly cycle.

Would it affect my health if I had sex with her during this period?

A No, it would not hurt you or her. However, some couples do find it rather messy.

Q I am about to get married to a great man. Will he be able to detect that I had an abortion 20 years ago?

A There is really no way he could tell. But wouldn't it be honest to let him know?

Q My wife has thrush. Can men get it too?

A Men often carry the thrush fungus (aka yeast) without knowing it. It usually produces few symptoms in men but it can cause soreness and itching on the penis.

Q I am considering marrying a much older man. But up to what age would he still want to have sex with me?

A Statistics show that 70 per cent of men are still potent at 70. And these days, many men want to have sex until far into their 80s - often helped by medications such as Viagra.

Email questions/feedback to editor@gleanerjm.com.