Doctor's advice - Boosting her sex life

• Q: Doctor, I am a divorced female in my 40s. I would like something to give my love life a little boost. Would hormone replacement therapy (HRT) help?  I use to have a very passionate relationship with my husband, and we made love three to four times for the week. But after the divorce, I stayed away from men for a while to give myself a chance to recover from all the stress and strain. In the last year, I have had several relationships with men, but they have not been very satisfying sexually. I found it difficult to relax and 'let myself go'. I did not have an orgasm with any of them, although I can do it when I am on my own. So if I went on HRT, would this help me?

A: These days, HRT is mainly used to treat the symptoms of menopause, such as night sweats, hot flashes (also known as hot flushes), irritability and dryness of the vagina.

It does sometimes help women to feel sexy, but I would certainly not describe it as an aphrodisiac or a love potion! Admittedly, vaginal HRT, in cream form, does make intercourse easier for many women. But in the last 10 years, it has become clear that HRT carries a much greater risk of side effects than we thought. For instance, it can cause strokes. So these days, doctors feel that with HRT you should take the lowest possible dose for the shortest possible period of time. If you do this, there should be little risk to your health.

Regarding your love life, I would recommend that you have a few sessions with a good counsellor. She could help you to learn to relax in bed, and simply enjoy yourself. I hope you find a good relationship soon.

• Q :I have managed to get a pack of Viagra tablets through the Internet. I am a 57-year-old male, and I am very attracted by the idea of taking three tablets for the day, so being able to have sex with three different women. Would this be possible, doctor?

A: Yes, it would be possible, but you'd be in serious danger of 'overdosing' on Viagra. It has side effects, you know! In addition, the risks of having sex with three different women in one day are considerable. For instance, you would triple your chances of catching a sexually transmitted infection.

• Q : Doctor, I would like your advice about my sex life. I have been a widow for 20 years, but people tell me that I am very attractive. I take good care of my body, and I am slim and fit. I know two men who are in their late teens. They are very nice young guys, and whenever we meet we laugh a lot. I was at school with their mothers.

Well, one evening last month I was at a big social event, and I suppose I had a little bit much to drink. The two young men offered to escort me home, as it was getting late.

To cut a long story short, when we got to my house I invited them in for coffee. Somehow, my clothes came off and I had sex with both of them! They were very grateful to me, especially as I taught them some things which they did not know. As for me, I have to admit that although I felt a little guilty, it was a most satisfying night. I felt a real sense of 'power' because of the fact that I could bring pleasure and happiness to these young men. What I would like to know doctor is if you think there is any future for my relationship with them?

A: Do you mean permanently? If so, I cannot see a future for this 'threesome'.

I am sure that the young men are very grateful to you for educating them, sexually. However, I have to say that I have never seen this form of 'three-way' relationship work out in the long term. It is perfectly possible that these two young men will come back to you for further 'helpings' of what you have to offer. But they will also want to find girls in their age group and eventually form long-term relationships.

The most positive thing I can see about your story is that you obviously felt 'empowered' by the fact that you are still attractive. I feel you should build on that 'empowerment' and go out and start meeting men socially. You have been a widow for 20 years, and I think that your mind and body are telling you that it is time to start looking for a long-term partner.

On a final note, please take care that the mothers of those two young men do not find out about what you have been doing with their sons. They might not be pleased.

• Q : I am a 33-year-old man, and still a virgin. Do not laugh at me. It is just that all my life I have been very shy. However, I have recently had some successes in my job, and this has given me confidence. So I feel it is time to gather my courage and find a girl who I could go to bed with. But, will I run into any problems because of the fact that I have been a virgin so long? Do you think I will need a circumcision? Also, should I go to a doctor for a check-up before I embark on losing my virginity?

A: Well, there would be absolutely no point in having a circumcision, except perhaps if your foreskin is very tight.

Does it roll back over the head of your penis when you are erect? If so, then you have no need to worry. And, unless you have some specific problem, I cannot see that there would be much point in consulting a doctor. Admittedly, he could give you a full check-up in order to make sure that you are fit and well.

I feel that there is no real reason to think that you will have any problems when you lose your virginity. However, it is obvious that you are anxious. So, what I suggest is that you simply start looking for a pleasant woman with whom you can be good friends, and with whom you can forge a relationship. Don't worry about the sexual aspect of things for the moment. Sex will happen in due course, when you two get to know each other.

However, as you do not have much knowledge on the subject, it would be an excellent idea if you bought yourself a simple textbook of sexual techniques and study it carefully. I would recommend Dr Alex Comfort's famous book, The Joy of Sex, which you can easily purchase via the Internet.