To marry, or remain single: A modern-era dilemma

Marriage has long been accepted as a goal to which healthy individuals should aspire. This institution is perceived in many cultures as the moral path expected of individuals and couples in order to earn respect within society.

However, in the 21st century, the boundaries have shifted thereby widening choices that leave individuals to navigate a complex decision. That is whether to align with the values and expectations of family and tradition by embracing the comfort and challenges of marriage, or to pursue independence, with all the freedom, risks, and uncertainties it entails.

Marriage counsellors and couples therapy play a vital role in helping people navigate this dilemma. They provide guidance, facilitate honest conversations, and help couples weigh the intended benefits of marriage against its unintended consequences, such as divorce.

WHAT DOES MARRIAGE OFFER?

– Security and Stability: For many marriages offer emotional reassurance, financial support, and legal protections.

– Shared Growth: Couples can build families, pursue joint goals, and create a sense of belonging.

– Social Recognition: Marriage is regarded in many cultures as pre-determined to gain social acceptance and validation.

Yet, marriage is not without risks. Often it leads to conflicts and unintended consequences such as divorce that can trigger emotional and financial distress.

WHAT DOES INDEPENDENCE – BEING SINGLE – OFFER?

– Freedom and Flexibility: The single status allows greater flexibility to prioritise and achieve personal growth, career goals, and lifestyle choices without compromise.

– Self-Discovery: Independence allows for greater self-awareness and strengthens resilience.

– Avoiding Unintended Consequences: Choosing singleness over marriage helps to avoid the risks of divorce and its associated long-term emotional stress and possible losses

However, independence can also mean facing loneliness, lack of legal protections, and societal pressures, particularly in cultures where marriage is highly valued.

Let’s look at changing trends in this 21st century.

– Liberal Mindsets: Societies have open doors to diverse relationship models, for example, cohabitation, in common parlance,“shack up” to long-term partnerships without marriage.

– Rising Divorce Rates: Many couples enter marriage with caution, aware of the growing likelihood of separation.

– Global Shifts: Geopolitical and economic changes influence how people view stability, marital commitment, and family structures.

It is no longer a simple question “to marry or not to marry”, but rather: Does marriage sufficiently align with goals, ambitions and values of persons in a rapidly changing world?

HOW IS THE DECISION PORTRAYED IN MEDIA?

The realities and probabilities of either decision are often reflected in documentaries, social discussions and films depicting courtroom litigation drama. These portrayals highlight both the rewards and risks of marriage and independence, reminding us that no path is without challenges.

In summary, marriage counsellors do not dictate the “right” answer; they help clients weigh certainty against risk, maintaining traditional cultural values against contemporary practice, and love against practicality. In the 21st century and beyond, the choice between marriage and independence is less about conforming to societal norms, and more about shaping a life that resonates with the passion, goals and values of individuals.

Monica Dystant, PhD is a trained counsellor, educator and social worker. Send feedback to editorial@gleanerjm.com

MARRIAGE VS INDEPENDENCE: A COMPARISON

Here is a summary of pros and cons associated with marriage versus independence:

Aspect Marriage Independence (Single Life)

Security & Stability Emotional support, financial stability, legal protections Freedom from obligations, but less legal/ financial safety nets

Personal Growth Shared growth with a partner, compromise required Greater autonomy, self-discovery, focus on personal goals

Social Recognition Widely accepted in most cultures, seen as a milestone Increasingly accepted, but may face stigma in traditional societies

Risks Conflict, unmet expectations, divorce High probability of loneliness, lack of support, societal pressure

Flexibility Structured commitments, family responsibilities High flexibility in lifestyle, career, and relationships