Building a strong marriage

A strong, godly marriage does not happen by chance. It requires intentional adherence to God’s instructions. Marriage was God’s idea, and He has left us with a blueprint in His Word for building strong healthy marriages. The first building block is love. Movies and television depict love as nothing more than sexual desire. Though the sexual relationship within the context of marriage is very important, real love is deeper and more spiritual than that.

It’s described this way: “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth” 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 (NCV). This definition is countercultural, but it’s real.

Second, we are called to be loyal to our spouse above all else. Ephesians 5:31 (NIV) says: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” The word ‘united’ means ‘to be glued’. It’s the idea of two things being bonded together in such a way that they cannot be torn apart. It’s a bond so strong and deep that you cannot tell where one begins and the other ends. This means that every other relationship is subject to this one. There can still be strong relationships in their lives, but the marriage relationship must have pre-eminence over the parental and all other relationships. The husband and wife must come first for each other. It is not the children who are first, they are the legacy for the next generation and a gift from God, for parents to teach, nurture and lead to Christ. God wants couples to work primarily on their husband-wife relationships.

Finally, mutual respect and submission are fundamental for any marriage that expects long-term success. Ephesians 5:21-25 (NIV) tells us: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”

These verses have been among the most loved and hated of the New Testament. Some men love to hang these verses over their wives and demand that they fall down before them in obedience. Some women read these verses and feel that they make the wife inferior to the husband. Neither interpretation is correct. The passage starts out by saying: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This is not about dominance or servitude, it is about Christ. It’s about an order in the Kingdom of God, and we submit to each other when we step into that order. Men serve their wives by giving everything for them, and women love their husbands by giving everything for them, but they do it in different ways.

These building blocks are the cornerstones for a strong, healthy, godly marriage. God wants us to enjoy the many benefits of marriage. He created it as a way to bless not only the wife and husband, but also their family, community and nation. However, this will only happen as we build it according to His Word.