Sheletia ‘Shay’ McClendon healing from trauma; reunites with father

Sheletia ‘Shay’ McClendon was only seven when her musician father, Delroy Gordon, mysteriously disappeared from her life. The pain from his absence was only exacerbated by the abuse she suffered at the hands of men who passed through the family home. After going through therapy and getting some closure, Shay took to Facebook in search of her father, more than 20 years later.

“I just knew it was him,” she told Lifestyle, as she reflected on the excitement she experienced when her father, who goes by the moniker ‘Irontermite’, answered her message.

They initially connected by phone and by the following year, she reunited with her father and his family on Jamaican soil in November 2009. This homecoming released years of hurt and has brought the father and daughter even closer.

Her memories of the man who sang and played the guitar in their Detroit, Michigan, home and parachuted her on his back to Belle Isle Park with her brother are as vivid today as they were all those years ago.

“My dad was a very patient dad, really big on education, but also big on us being kids and having fun,” she shared, adding, “I remember I was afraid [of swimming and] he used to put me on his back and swim out in the water. He was always a good swimmer. I guess that’s just those Jamaican roots.”

So what exactly led to his unexpected exit? According to McClendon, things weren’t ever a bed of roses at home. According to the licensed nurse, her mother faced personal challenges, and Gordon worked two jobs to take care of the family. A home invasion created further trauma for McClendon, who was seven-year-old at the time, and her younger sibling. Her father faced his own challenges in the United States, forcing him to return home to Jamaica and resulting in the loss of contact. “We didn’t know what was happening. He was calling us from Jamaica all along, but we didn’t know this,” she said. The calls that her father would make twice weekly suddenly stopped and life became increasingly difficult for McClendon.

It was later, in her 30s, that she would seek to address the trauma of paternal separation, sexual abuse and neglect. As she navigated these issues, she longed to reconnect with her dad. “I don’t think either one of us had a real understanding [of what happened]. There were a lot of lies happening around us and there were a lot of different stories. A lot of the stories I heard was that my dad was a bad guy. We didn’t know what to believe,” she shared.

Since her first visit, the father-daughter duo often talk for hours, up to five times a week, between tears and laughter. She is hoping to fly down to Jamaica this year to catch up. As for the relationship she has with her mother, McClendon says that they are still in touch. “We have a good relationship. I’ve put [the past] behind me; there’s no animosity. We talk as often as we can,” she explained.

Now a mother to seven-year-old twin girls, McClendon is a licensed practical nurse who has used her platform as a certified fitness instructor “to help women heal [from their] trauma and achieve total wellness”.

Her Shaped with Shay Health and Beauty brand was founded in 2020 and has had a profound impact on scores of women, through interventions and coaching sessions online and in person.

“Trauma has a lot to do with how we navigate our fitness,” McClendon explains, “and fitness comes down to mental well-being,” she added.

Fresh off her Black Health Movement Fitness Festival in Detroit in August, McClendon, who is gearing up for the 1% Better Speakers’ Conference on October 14, is set to finish writing her book about healing from her trauma and start her fitness magazine for black women.

This summer, she was a quarter-finalist in the Ms Health & Fitness USA Competition, and considers her entry a success, noting, “My trauma didn’t win. I was hiding behind my shame and that’s the reason why I didn’t want to be out in the front and in public. It [the competition] has helped me to see the power of allowing other people to help. It’s okay to tell people what you need.”

krysta.anderson@gleanerjm.com