DOUBLE STANDARD

In a society that increasingly encourages victims of sexual assault to speak up, one uncomfortable truth remains. When the person violated is a man – particularly one harmed by a woman – his voice is often met with silence, skepticism, or outright scorn.

Despite growing conversations around consent and abuse, male survivors still find themselves excluded from mainstream narratives of victimhood. The expectation that men must always welcome sexual advances, coupled with deep-rooted gender norms, continues to fuel a culture of silence and disbelief.

According to Rape Crisis England & Wales, sexual assault includes any non-consensual sexual contact, such as unwanted kissing, touching of genitals, breasts, or bottom. But, for many men, recognising such acts as violations is not straightforward – nor is finding support afterward.

Jim*, in an interview with The Sunday Gleaner, recalled an incident that left him shaken.

“I was on my way home but I decided to make a stop at a nearby shop to get something. While walking, I didn’t realise someone was behind me. A woman just grab mi on my private part. I was shocked and couldn’t believe that happened. She held on to it, smiled and then asked me for money. Mi just dip my hand into my pocket and give her $50 because I didn’t want a conversation with her,” he said.

“I felt like she violated my rights and, because of this, I am more alert now. Honestly, I feel like, if she and two other girls did come into my space, I would run because I don’t know their objective,” he added.

Marcus*, another man interviewed, insisted that while he believes a man can be raped by other men, a woman could not sexually assault a man.

“If I had a son and he complained to mi seh a woman touch him, mi beat him and run him out of my house. Why would a woman touching me be unwelcomed?” he asked. “Even if I don’t find her attractive or she is a working girl (prostitute), I will still allow her to touch me. Is Jamaica this. In my opinion, no woman can’t sexually assault me. I don’t know about anyone else.”

Andres* described being groped by an older woman as a teen.

“My brother’s friend, who was 10 years older than me, came over to our house. She just grabbed my genitals and said, ‘It looks like you working with something’. At that age, it stroked my ego because you’re not used to women doing that,” he told The Sunday Gleaner.

“I was kind of waiting to see if she would take it to the next level, honestly. She had a Benz driving; her man was in prison and she had a big house living in. It made me more attracted to older women at that time. After that, I started messing around one of my sister’s older friends,” he added with a chuckle, noting that the act sparked a fascination with older women rather than trauma.

He added: “When a woman does that, it makes you feel appealing. I think this is why most men don’t talk about it. Imagine reporting that a woman touched you. They would be like, ‘what is the problem?’ If it is adults violating each other, I don’t think any trauma can come from that.

“At my age now, if a girl grabs it, I would think ‘hey I still got it’,” said the 52-year-old.

PART OF PROBLEM

Yet this normalisation is part of the problem, say experts.

The Sunday Gleaner has been unable to source local data on the matter. The Centre for the Investigation of Sexual Offences and Child Abuse said it di not handle such cases and efforts to get information from other areas of the Jamaica COnstabulary Force proved futile.

Howeve, in the 2024 #MeToo survey conducted by the United States-based National Sexual Violence Resource Center and partners, 42 per cent of male respondents reported experiencing sexual harassment or assault in their lifetimes. Among them, 29 per cent experienced verbal sexual harassment, 21 per cent experienced physically aggressive sexual harassment, 24 per cent faced coercion or sexual threats, 17 per cent were touched or groped without consent, and seven per cent survived sexual assault.

Carla Moore, assistant lecturer at the Institute for Gender and Development Studies at The University of the West Indies, Mona, explained why so many men remain unaware that they can even be victims.

“A lot of men don’t even know that they can be victims of sexual assault, especially when it comes on to sexual harassment, because the assumption is that, if sex is available, a man is supposed to want it,” she said.

“In part, because our gender system tells us that the men are the aggressors, the ones who are sexually forward and, more than anything – Jamaican man supposed to want sex when it is available.”

Moore said that because many men believe that “men are not supposed to turn down sex when a woman touches them and it is wrong, it doesn’t even dawn on them”.

Moore noted that research on male sexual harassment in Jamaica is scarce. She said while there is a little around boys, because of the stigma associated with it, the research is limited.

“A lot of men would not report something like that either, because they don’t think it is something that is worth reporting. They figure if they do, people will laugh at them, shame them, or tell them they don’t love woman. So they keep it to themselves,” she said.

HARD TO UNDERSTAND

Moore told The Sunday Gleaner that, in her training and workshops, persons in the sessions laugh at the scenario of a man going to the police station to report that he is being abused by a woman.

“The idea feels so wild to them that a man can be ‘overpowered’ by a woman, because the idea is that the man is in the position of power. Most women and men are abused by people who are close to them. It is because they are close to you they can get access to you to abuse you.”

That stigma leaves many survivors like Sean* feeling isolated.

“As a man, who will I complain to? I can’t, because there is no support group for men. There is no hotline where you can call for help to say ‘a woman touched me’,” he said. “If I feel some level of discomfort if a woman gropes me, she and people will pree mi and call mi idiot. If mi grope her, a problem deh suh.”

He added: “People think that every man run down sex but that is not true. Women pressure mi for sex and mi know the expectations behind that. The woman dem sometimes just want it more.”

Nashan Miller, director of the Male Empowerment Unit in the Bureau of Gender Affairs, said their team has sensitised more than 10,000 individuals about workplace sexual harassment, with about 20 per cent being men. He said the bureau has gone into most ministries, departments and agencies.

“We talk about the law itself, the Sexual Harassment Act, and the provisions that are there for redress and compensation. The big issue is how males will be looked upon if they come forward. So, they know it’s okay, the law is there and people will get in trouble. You don’t have to worry about anything, and they should report the matter,” he told The Sunday Gleaner.

In addition, Miller said, the perception is that the legislation aimed at addressing sexual harassment is biased against men.

“Data shows that men are not coming forward, so it seems like there are no cases of males being harassed. It is not that it is not happening, it is that it is being underreported,” he suggested.

Miller emphasised the need for increased sensitisation to change the attitudes and make it more acceptable for men to report sexual assault and harassment.

“In terms of [harrasssment] reports, I can’t give you any from where I am at. We are in the phase where we sensitise and help organisations formulate their sexual harassment policy,” he said at the time contacted a few months ago.

Even some women acknowledge they’ve crossed the line.

London*, who admitted to groping a friend as a teenager, told The Sunday Gleaner it was driven by curiosity.

“Mi just rude,” London said. “It was wrong, but sometimes you want to just know what is packing in there.

“As a teenager, I had a friend’s house I went to. He had no shirt on. So, immediately, I grabbed his private. It was like a magnet pulling me towards it. I couldn’t help myself at the time.”

Her victim was visibly uncomfortable, but London dismissed it as “exciting”.

This behaviour, when flipped, would have been easily condemned.

*Names changed to protect identities.

ashley.anguin@gleanerjm.com