Tony Deyal | Dad jokes and fake news

It was 26 years and counting. My wife and I got presents from our daughter, Jasmine. In my case, I got a “Fake News” coffee cup and I used an old joke to say, “Listen, you are giving me a four-letter ‘Fake’ with another four-letter ‘News’, what you take me for … ?” Before she could answer, and knowing what to expect about me and coffee, I added, “But also see it as a joke from you good-looking, brilliant and humorous to share the best joke ever with you.”

Jasmine responded with the speed of her father’s child, “Dad, it says they are so Dad or bad, they’re good. So, Dad or Bad, tell us some.” With no choice, I started with, “I told your mom that she should embrace her mistakes. You know what she did? She gave me a hug.” Jasmine laughed, “You were lucky she didn’t have a stick in her hand or a real hog.” I replied, “You shouldn’t talk at all. When you asked mom to put the cat out, she replied, ‘I didn’t know it was on fire.” And, if that is so, get your father and see if he gets fire in his wire.”

I changed the subject, “So, try this one. Why did the tomato turn red?” “Oh gosh, Daddy. We know this from our days in school. The tomato saw the salad dressing.” She added, “And just so you would not ask this one, what did the ocean say to the beach? The answer is nothing. It just waved.” At this point, I knew I was out of my mind and ability so, as I started heading for the door saying I was late for work, I asked and answered with the same breath, “Why did the fish flush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.” And before she and her mother could say anything about mine, especially what they think about it, I slammed the door and ran to the car.

REAL ISSUE

But all driving did was to make me consider the real issue that seems to be getting worse, especially in the US. It is known as “Fake News”. Within a relatively short time there were many bits of fake news that were treated like truth. First, the Planet Nibiru was heading straight for Earth. People were sounding the alarms and heading for their bunkers because it was going to hit the earth on March 2016. However, it turned out to be bunk and not bunkers. There was no “ninth planet” to smash Earth into smithereens or just beans. Then there was a lottery-winning woman arrested for relieving herself on her boss’s desk after winning the lottery! The story went viral with millions of shares on social media and news outlets. The whole thing was a fake! Poor man! Then, there was a woman who was such a “Candy Crush” that her college roommate supposedly bludgeoned her to death with an industrial-size bag of jellybeans. It was fake but, with almost four hundred thousand Facebook, many of them felt they would ask the roommate to help them with their girls, at least to threaten them. Then there was the time when Pope Francis was linked into what was considered a hotbed of fake stories. A lot of people were very upset when they heard that the Pope had broken with centuries and endorsed, not just a person of substance, but of all people, Donald Trump. Of course, the Pope made it clear that he had never said a word about electoral campaigns, but it was far too late. It was a case of Trump and follow suit (or whatever).

Then presidential candidate Hillary Clinton believed in the “Planet X apocalypse”. However, she was one of the few who did not know it was a “total bunkum”. Then she walked into another, but a more serious problem. She had a bout of ill health and immediately was said to be the result of Kuru, a disease acquired by consuming human flesh. It was said to be one of the most ridiculous fake-news chapters in the whole residential race. However, she was far from being alone. In 1945, President Harry Truman made it clear that the world will note that the first atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima, a military base.” What he didn’t say was that the target was a city and most of the 140,000 people who died were civilians. George W. Bush, in 2003, boasted, “We’ve removed all allies of al-Qaeda … no terrorist network will gain weapons of destruction from the Iraqi regime, because the regime is no more.” Two years ago, in 2023, Iraq was still an electoral autocracy.

SCANDAL

Ronald Reagan, in 1987, came up, or out, on a scandal when he said, “A few months ago, I told the American people I did not trade arms for hostages. My heart and my best intentions still tell me that’s true, but the fact and the evidence tell me it is not.” What he was hiding from was a scandal. Dwight Eisenhower approved statements claiming an American U-2 spy plane was shot down by the Soviets in 1960 was just a weather research aircraft. He later said it was a lie and his “greatest regret”. And something along the line of what Mexico might be scaring Trinidad and the Caribbean with now is what James Polk said in his 1846 war message to Congress about an attack he had provoked in what was disputed territory.

But, as everyone says and knows, none of the previous leaders and presidents was close to Donald Trump. He was supposed to have false, or misleading claims of 30,573 over four years. The Cable News Network (CNN) spoke with a politically diverse group of constitutional scholars, presidential historians, and experts on democratic institutions. They came up with Trump’s significant abuses of power. He, Trump, started with “Subverting the 2020 election.” He added “Inciting an insurrection” and “Abusing the bully pulpit” or spreading lies and conspiracies as well as attacking political opponents. Even worse, he politicised the Justice Department and went after the one person who was standing up to him to warrant criminal changes, Robert Mueller. At the same time, Trump was “Abusing the pardon power by withholding nearly $400 million from Ukraine”, while ensuring loyalty oaths and personalising government, firing whistle-blowers, truth-tellers and, more than everything and anything, profiting off the presidency.

Yet Trump claims, if he could walk on water, the fake news media would report: “Trump can’t swim.” That’s why, with so many people who flood social media with false information to the point where everyone will believe it, we should get our information from multiple sources. All of them will not try to screw us around. We should also go directly to the source and not just the teller of tall tales. If we’re not sure, we should ask experts what they think. Most of all, we must stay calm, listen carefully, ask questions, and always be clear on the difference between facts and opinions. And, if anyone is still not sure, run like heck and shut your ears.

Tony Deyal said, “Don’t ever go to a library full of fake news. It is a lie-brary. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com