Gordon Robinson | The essence of identification

In Apocrypha, our favourite Fantasyland beyond the stars where all politicians are friends and Oma D’unn solves political dilemmas by parable, Government’s slavery reparations strategy came under fire.

Reparations Minister Boobsy Derange found herself at the centre of controversy including in Apocrypha’s parliament where one of her own Just Lazy People (JLP) Party’s MPs ridiculed her approach to Opposition Promises Not Performance (PNP) MPs’ delight. So she asked Oma how to deal with the situation.

Regular readers remember Oma. He was a former Finance Minister who started by advising his friend and political opponent R. U. Shaw. Soon his guidance was in such demand that, on retirement from politics, he opened a consultancy firm named Oma Unsacked.

Oma advised Boobsy to buy an identification system. Boobsy didn’t get it so Oma told her a story of three men in Hell.

John, Paul, and Bob live horrible lives and go to hell. When they arrive, a hideously ugly woman appears out of nowhere. Suddenly, a loud booming voice says “John! You have sinned! In reparation for your atrocious lifestyle you’re condemned to sleep with this woman.”

Crying in dismay, John is whisked away to endure this horrible penance. Suddenly, another even uglier woman comes forward.

“Paul! You have sinned! In reparation for your atrocious lifestyle you’re condemned to sleep with this woman.” Paul is suddenly whisked away, clawing the ground as he’s dragged off.

Bob stands alone in the room, quaking with fear, when Marilyn Monroe walks in! He can’t believe his luck! Suddenly, the voice says

“Marilyn! You have sinned….”

Boobsy remained mystified so Oma explained that the only way to quiet the noise around reparations was to correctly identify perpetrators and victims.

In December 2025, San Francisco’s Board of Supervisors approved an Ordinance creating a fund for reparations for black San Franciscans to address harms caused by past discriminatory city policies. Mayor Daniel Lurie subsequently signed the Ordinance but no funds have been allocated. The irony of all this is that Blacks didn’t arrive in San Francisco in large numbers until the Gold Rush around 1850 and were freed 15 years later.

So San Francisco is clear that it’s the perpetrator of discriminatory city policies and owes black residents reparations for that crime NOT for slavery.

Our ancestors were enslaved for centuries. We’re still confused as to perpetrator, crime, and victim. So we ask the King to ask Privy Council to advise him on “reparations”?

This MUST be the Guy Lombardo Show!

We should KNOW who’s to blame; who are victims; and what to do about it. We shouldn’t be begging the perpetrator’s King to take advice from his Judges! To do what? Andy Burnham, UK’s sole Executive Authority’s leader, has already rejected our claims. Can’t we advise ourselves?

The issue was recently brought into sharp focus by Jamaica’s most plain spoken parliamentarian. This was how Warmy began:

“No one speaks for me on reparations. My root is here in Jamaica not in Africa. Ok?”

After the Deputy Speaker insisted he “stick to the question”, Warmy, as is his wont, continued unfazed:

“I’m embarrassed at the spectacle of the photo ops in London. Ok? We went there and it remind me of the nursery rhyme

Pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been?

I’ve been to London to visit the King.

Pussy cat, pussy cat, what you have there?

I left a petition on the empty chair.

“We speak of reparations and we’re speaking of the buyers. We keep on speaking of the buyers of the slaves.”

Deputy Speaker turned Warmy’s mic off: “Member stick to the question. No nursery rhymes here!”

Warmy (audible only by vocal strength) “You aren’t allowing me to ask my question.”

Deputy Speaker: “Because you weren’t asking any questions.”

Warmy (mic still off): “Don’t turn off my mic when I’m speaking. Out of order! What are you protecting?”

PNP MP Fitz Jackson: “Now you feel what we go through.”

After a long wait as Warmy refused to yield, his mic was turned on.

Warmy: “I’ve no intention, Acting Deputy Speaker (ouch!) , of accepting disrespect from nobody in this house. Ok? The question I’m asking: we keep on speaking of the buyers of the slaves. But nobody speaks of the sellers of the slaves. That’s what I want you to answer. The white man didn’t go to Africa and pick up slaves. They were caught by black people who sold them to the white man...”

Louder, Warmy, for those in the back! Damion Crawford retorted by asserting the capture was by individuals not State sanctioned whilst the buying was State sponsored.

That’s misdirection. Warmy is focused on responsibility for the slave trade whether State sponsored or not. However, the capture was very much tribal sponsored which, in those days, equated State sponsorship. But State, tribal or individual, there can be no trade without sellers. Blaming buyers alone is blinkered, bumbling, bungling, boring babbling baloney!

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com