Gordon Robinson | Old BC in Digihell

Bad news comes in threes as Melissa, then her aftermath, were two of the worst but now the Old Ball and Chain is outraged at Digicel.

So we’ve no choice but to experience a third storm.

Old BC: I don’t know why Old Grey Balls is being so deflective since he’s as peeved as I. And this has nothing to do with Melissa because, well before she threatened, Digicel cable broadcasts of several local radio stations disappeared. Well, maybe “disappeared” is the wrong word because they’re still there just without sound except c(r)ackling like a wicked witch. In particular I like to listen to Power 106 in the mornings but haven’t been able to do so for weeks.

Old GB: So NOW you’re upset. Long ago, under the guise of installing a new system, Digicel simultaneously removed Stingray Music Channels without notice or rebate of any kind. In fact, the monthly invoice increased. Because Stingray Music Channels were a major reason I subscribed in the first place, I’ve stopped using Digicel cable. It’s YOU who refuse to switch because YOU say FLOW is no better. It’s YOU who insists on watching the stale news on TVJ every evening at 7.00pm. It’s YOU who spend the day in front of Home and Garden TV. Not me.

Old BC: You forget we were FLOW subscribers and YOU sent me to switch to Digicel because YOU were annoyed at FLOW’s abysmal customer service.

Old GB: The only reason I gave in and switched to Digicel was because we had family being underutilized there. That’s no longer the case so, now, I need Digicel like I need COVID. It’s. All. Your. Fault!

Old BC: MY fault? Is it MY fault I can’t even hear Nationwide News Network on Digicel Cable because, for months, even if the volume is turned up to 100 you need a stethoscope to hear anything? Is it MY fault that I’m forced to listen on Nationwide in the first place because Power 106 is disconnected? And, by the way, it’s not just Power. NCUFM; Mello, Irie; and other local radio stations are missing in action, from Digicel’s cable, presumed dead. Does NOBODY check the broadcasts and adjust tuners when this happens? How is this allowed to go on for weeks?

Old GB: Well, all stations work on my old transistor radio that I keep in the bathroom. You remember radio? That old fashioned box with knobs, that work, and reception without a remote?

Old BC: So I should join you in the tushie to listen to The Morning Agenda? Or will you descend from your throne and bring your radio downstairs so I can listen to it? I. DON’T. THINK. SO!

Old GB: So what are you saying? What do you want?

Old BC: I want the service for which we are paying an exorbitant monthly fee! I want Digicel to stop disappearing channels without notice or rebate and stop pretending they’re “substituting” channels nobody wants! Despite your pretense, I know you watch sports channels like Golf and ESPN. How did YOU like it when Sportsmax perished and the monthly bill remained the same despite us paying extra for Sportsmax for years?

Old GB: Look, I’m not defending Digicel. All I’m saying is BOTH Jamaica’s telecoms providers are as helpful as screen doors on a submarine and as customer friendly as cactus.

Old BC: I told you to complain on Twitter. That usually forces them to at least respond.

Old GB: Sure. Whenever I tweet a complaint and tag Digicel I get a request that I send a “DM” with the details. WHY? What “details”? Take, for example, my complaint about unceremonious removal of Stingray music channels. How would a “DM” help? My complaint is already specific. It affects all customers. Why do they need a DM? Why can’t they just explain what’s happening? Or, better yet, pull their fingers out and do whatever is necessary to regain rights to Stingray Music Channels? What are they planning to hide in my DMs? I’m not sending Digicel any DMs! I want service!

Old BC: For a man who some think is intelligent you really aren’t very bright. The problem isn’t Digicel or FLOW. It’s that we don’t have choices. Long ago your favourite Minister, Daryl, promised Jamaica a third Telecoms Licensee. In December 2020 he promised it for “early 2021”. We are still waiting. We need competition in telecoms but I suppose that’ll be the rabbit he pulls out of his hat just before the next election as he did with school buses before the last one. Until then we must remain incarcerated in Digihell!

By now readers (both of them) know I always win these arguments using laser focused vision and superior strategy.

Old GB: Yes dear!

Peace and Love.

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com