Sean Major-Campbell - God-sent stepmothers

In John 16:21, Jesus uses the powerful image of a mother whose joy surpasses her pain in preparation for delivery of her baby. “A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born, she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.”  Mother’s Day brings back different sentiments and memories for different people.

Lest we forget, Mother’s Day is also very special for those men who have shared the journey of pregnancy and delivery in a deeply supportive, emotional and spiritual way. One of my most cherished memories is time spent in the delivery room while my wife gave birth. The safe delivery of a baby is one of life’s most blessed and miraculous moments. A miracle, when you consider the complexity surrounding the production and formation of a life, a precious life going through the first trimester inclusive of rapid cellular development, implantation, and organ formation. Then there is the second trimester inclusive of growth and maturity of the fetus, and the third trimester when the fetus is prepared for birth. No other activity is more precious on the face of the earth.

While our first love is our own biological mother, the reality moves to a whole other level when you are the mother delivering a baby or you are the father witnessing your own wife/partner delivering your own child. The awesomeness of this reality and this moment inspire so much joy and happiness and praise.

A most memorable moment for my wife and I, was the use of prenatal speakers which allowed the fetus to hear us as during devotion we sang:  
                                                               “Have thine own way, Lord, have thine own way!
Thou art the potter, I am the clay
Mold me and make me after thy will
While I am waiting, yielded and still.”

This third trimester fetus would move without fail every time we sang. Even more interesting to witness was that newborn baby would give a knowing look when he heard us sing. It was a look that said, “I know that song.”

May we pause though to recognise that many of the world’s best mothers have never biologically birthed a child. One of the blessings of my experience in ministry has been to meet parents who adopted the children birthed by others. They never carried them in the womb, but they sure did in the heart. Heaven must hold a special place for mothers who have mothered so well without ever having a pregnancy.

This reminds me that in church and wider society, we should beware of asking women or couples, “when is the baby coming?” Or “when are you going to have the son/daughter?” It is not your business. You do not know what people’s situation may be like. There are also those who do not wish to have children. Most importantly, what we need are more adults who are active in the care and protection of children. And God knows that many of the best protectors and caregivers of children are not biological parents.

Let us not forget those god-sent stepmothers who were just what their children needed. Cinderella’s stepmother exists. The same is true, however, about those many stepmothers whose love has been unconditional. Blessings on you all.

Let us remember that faithful grandma, aunty, teacher, nurse, neighbour, who stepped in and mothered over the years of an absent mother. My heart goes out to mothers who have migrated and those mothers in prison.

During my weekly prison ministry in the Cayman Islands, one of my most painful experiences was listening to Jamaican mothers in the women’s prison. They never intended to leave their children. Many were first-time offenders whom “Mr. Big Man” told that they would get away smuggling/trafficking drugs. People have asked me how I can feel sorry for such women. I tell them that when you are faced with the humanity of a mother’s undying love, it is only then that you will understand.

Lots of love to those mothers who were stigmatised and referred to as having illegitimate children. That was such a backward thing to happen. If it were left to some in the church, we would still be calling children “Illegitimate”. How interesting, that many of the happiest mothers around not only had children, but out of wedlock. They lived through much pain and prejudice at work, at church, and in their community in the earlier days. Many of their children are also significant leaders in church, politics, and other areas of national life.

While I respect a woman’s right to bodily autonomy, I do have a bias for encouraging the nurture and care of a healthy and viable pregnancy. Even equally important is the encouragement of men (and even boys) who cause a pregnancy to be respectfully encouraged to own their part in the nurture and care of their child. Too much time has been spent limiting the morality conversation to sex in marriage versus affirming relationships.

Some of our brightest teenage girls are also about to become mothers due to an unplanned pregnancy. The rest of us can make the world of difference by presenting with a supportive and caring presence for the young mother and child. The Mother’s Union in the Anglican Church provides mentorship through women who can prayerfully guide you on your journey of motherhood. The same is true of other women’s groups in other churches.

Almighty and ever-loving God, we thank you for the gift of mothers. Thank you for their unconditional love, their ministry of nurture and care, and their patience in times of great challenge. Bless our beloved mothers and grant them continued strength and grace to do the ministry to which you have called them. Amen.

Continued blessings on all women and mothers.

Fr Sean Major-Campbell is an Anglican priest and advocate for human rights and dignity. Please send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and seanmajorcampbell@gmail.com