Thu | Apr 18, 2019

Single but iffy to mingle | Recap and that's a wrap

Published:Monday | January 14, 2019 | 12:00 AM

"Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive." Exploring happiness in all its flavours, as Joanne Harris expressed, has helped to console this bittersweet end to my Single But Iffy to Mingle journey. It has officially been a year since the concept came to light, that is, my singleship. And I've been riding calm, exciting and tumultuous waves ever since. Speech time: So I'd like to thank everyone who contributed to this safari of self-discovery. From family members, friends and co-workers, to editors and complete strangers, your input and support were motivating and inspiring, your discussions were riveting and your constructive criticism was warmly welcomed.

To the men who knowingly or unknowingly participated in this social and sultry series, I thank you also. Some have disappeared, others have stuck around in different capacities. Those who were familiar with the scenarios definitely got a kick out of their pseudos. Before I sign off, though, it wouldn't be Single But Iffy to Mingle if I didn't share some pointers on what I've learned along the way:

Opt for better instead of bitter: This took time and a lot of work because it was easy to drive down the bitter street and take up residency there. But, it's so much more rewarding to take the high road towards being better, becoming healthier - mentally, physically and emotionally.

- Quitting the blame game: Sometimes we blame others without looking into ourselves. Deep down, we have some soul-searching and self-evaluation to do. How many of us can take accountability for ourselves and our actions, and take away the positives and the lessons from the relationship, rather than dwell on the pain and hardship experienced? Trigger-happy are we, as females, to shoot the blame off on others, instead of looking within and trying to understand why the hardships happened in the first place.

- Trending a type: Whether you want to believe it or not, you have a type. We all do. It might be based on physical appearances, personalities or even energies. That might be our dose of poison we need to avoid rather than our love potion we tend to attract. Take the time to get to know you so that you can break this vicious cycle of heartache.

- Activate trust: Trust is very important, in any relationship. But the first person you have to trust is yourself. Trust that you are beautiful, smart and confident enough to make sound decisions to choose the right person for you. Then you can look towards trusting a soulmate. NB. Trust your instincts: if it doesn't feel right or he seems a little off, then assess and put it to rest.

- Alone versus lonely: You can be lonely with someone by your side. And you can stand alone without actually feeling or being lonely. Which do you choose? Food for thought.

- No dating rules: There aren't any fast or hard rules to dating. Person getting involved tend to come with expectations: that's human nature. If you're among the expectations clan, then let go and just flow. If your way of thinking or way of living doesn't align with theirs, then there's no need to plug in. That way, there'd be no requirements to pull the plug.

- It's never too late to date: Dating can be an enchanting and thrilling experience. It, however, will do you more harm than good if you're truly not ready. Take the time to heal your heart before jumping back in the game. And once you're ready, go out there, let your hair down, meet new people, try new experiences and have fun.

- It is okay to make mistakes: People tend to hold back out of fear of hurting again. But the reality is this: love is the biggest risk you will ever have to take. So it's best you go out there and put our best foot forward, instead of going halfway or playing hokey-pokey. If it works out in your favour, great. If not, then it's back to the drawing board. But you won't know if you don't at least try.

- What you see is what you get: If the man pursuing you is too busy to date you, then he's too busy for you. Talk is cheap, and actions are worth millions. So if you're receiving empty promises of courting you and finding time to engage in intimate intercourse with them, you're having a fling (or one-night stands). Power to you if your desire is to revel in that affair. But if you prefer a 'members only - party of just two' subscription, then you know what to do: close your door and wait for a more serious investor.

- Happy endings do exist: It might not reveal itself in the form of a dashing prince. You might have to kiss a few frogs along the way. But you're going to be surprised when you realise that he's the one for you. You're happy ending is out there, maybe he just hasn't found you yet. Or he has been there all along.

Let's address the elephant in the room. Some might be wondering if my status or stance to mingle has changed in any way, shape or form. While I have given full transparency on this entire journey, I've chosen to end the chapter with a mystery: am I now open to dating and finding love? Or have I already found my prince? Why don't you read between the lines and let me know. That's a wrap! See you soon *wink*.

krysta.anderson@gleanerjm.com